Selfish. That's one of those things that everyone is from time to time, but no one wants to admit they are. It's not a good thing, it's one of those things that people are embarrassed about and try to cover up or hide. No one ever brags about being selfish. But it still happens.
Last night I was point-blank accused of being selfish by the one person I have promised to devote my life to thinking of: My husband.
Now, my initial reaction was to protest. When we are faced with an ugly accusation about ourselves, our immediate response is to go on the defense.
"I've been working hard," I told him. "I'm trying to make money for our family. I'm trying to keep the house clean. I'm dealing with the kids."
My second reaction was, of course, to get angry. "You're not exactly perfect yourself, you know!" I snapped back at him. "You sit on the computer for hours on end and don't bother to help, and you don't always help me with the kids when I ask, and you make messes all over the place that I have to clean up!"
In the end, we realized we were both being selfish with our time. I sat around and thought about it a while, pondering the thought that I am constantly telling people (usually him), "I have no time! I'm so busy! I just can't do it this week!" But am I really that short on time? Or am I just choosing to do the things that I want to do the most? You guessed it. I've been blogging (which I love) and skimping out on time with my hubby and phone calls with my mom. It's not that I don't love my husband, or that I don't enjoy talking with my mom... it's that I've been selfish with my time lately.
Some might think I'm taking a harsh view of myself here, but I can look back in the week and see several times when I pushed off stuff with others for stuff that would satisfy me and me alone. My options are to keep on being selfish (which will continue to give my hubby hurt feelings) or to fix it. Obviously, I decided to fix it, and the hubby and I have implemented a new "game" as of last night that we hope will put an end to selfishness on both sides. I'd like to encourage others to play this game and let me know how (and if) it helps out their relationship with a significant other!
My husband I made up the rules last night as we were discussing our problem, so tweaks may be needed, but here is the basic idea of this "game". Once a day, either partner calls a halt to the daily activities and requests an hour of time. If something urgent is going on (like dinner is cooking, or children are being bathed), that activity can continue until finished but both partners have to be involved in it. For the next hour, everything that is done gets done together. If there is no urgent activity going on, one partner can pick what to do for the hour and that privilege of activity-picking will rotate every other day.
So what do you think? Tell me what you would do if you got to pick anything for a whole hour!
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